i open at the close
(doodle of one of the best moments in the deathly hallows)
#DidYouKnow #Deaf #DeafAwareness #education #SignLanguage #advocacy #NMSCares
This is actually sadly relevant. I had a lecture this summer about sign languages and Deaf culture and when I was finished, one hearing girl from the audience stayed behind to ask me some more question.
She asked me: “And your parents use sign language, right?” Like it was the most obvious thing in the world and why is she even asking this, of course my parents must know sign language.
"No… They don’t, actually."
"And how do you communicate, then?"
"But… isn’t that complicated for you?"
"It is, sometimes."
"They probably didn’t have time for it…" she said. And I haven’t the heart to tell her that my father was offered sign language courses several times, that I offered to teach them some signs and that they always refused.
But I did told her: “It is not that rare. Most of deaf people I know have hearing parents who don’t sign.”
It’s the sad truth. People are willing to pay for surgeries to “repair” their children, but they are not willing to learn something to communicate with them.
i’d like to add onto this with my own personal experience, too. i was born hearing, but as soon as i was diagnosed as HoH, my parents didn’t do anything to learn ASL. they were quick to put me in classes, but they wouldn’t when i suggested to them that they take the classes with me so that we could learn.
i’ve tried to teach my mom how to sign numerous times, but she always says that “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks,” to which i tell her that she can learn, she just doesn’t want to. which is true. neither of my parents want to learn how to sign, but they want me to be able to hear perfectly so they don’t have to repeat themselves.
little do they know that their frustration with me not being able to hear them would be solved if they would just learn how to sign. maybe signing something to me once instead of repeating themselves four times and then getting mad would be more beneficial.
I’m absolutely shocked at this, it’s never crossed my mind that many parents wouldn’t even try to meet their hard of hearing kids halfway.
This includes my parents. “You can lipread and talk, you don’t need to know sign language!”
Lipreading is a chore. Many people ‘forget’ I’m hard of hearing. During conversation folks turn their heads or bodies away. I can’t lipread the back of your head. People try to talk to me across the room, down the hall, or by yelling outside. If my hearing relatives learned ASL, communicating with them would have been so much easier.
Ever since I learned ASL and met other people who could sign communication has been so much easier. I can finally understand people the first time. Other hard of hearing or deaf people I have befriended have told me their families did THE SAME THING with them. Their parents often didn’t learn sign.
Not knowing sign language has made accessing the Deaf community harder because I learned ASL as an adult. As a result, my proficiency is poor and most of the people I learn from are hearing rather than deaf or hard of hearing people.
Many of my friends are also hard of hearing or deaf. Thankfully they’ve been great at helping me get up to speed. Many hearing parents and hearing relatives don’t think ASL is important. Let me tell you—IT IS.
things i want more of: ladies being rad as hell in space
“‘Body acceptance’ is a profoundly ableist, transphobic and bioconservative sentiment #theobvious.” —Matt— William Gillis (@rechelon)August 27, 2014
So. Here’s the thing about “body acceptance.” The notion of “body acceptance” — i.e. that we should all just “like ourselves” when it comes to our physical form, and anything we dislike about our bodies is a psychoemotional problem not a physical problem — is an “argument” often used by uncomprehending cis people to deny trans* bodily autonomy, by the abled to minimize the suffering of people who are disabled in ways they find physically painful or personally limiting, by misogynists to gaslight women, by technophobes to mock and shame cyborgs, etc. But “body acceptance,” as a reductionist and often violent framework for coping with the diverse tribulations of embodiment, developed as a sort of mutant outgrowth of “fat acceptance” — which is a whole different ballgame.
"Fat acceptance" is specifically the notion that those of us who have a BMI that is defined by the state as “inappropriate for our height” should consider the possibility that our bodies are still worth living in.
Supporting a fat person to accept their fat body as-is is meaningfully different from encouraging a trans* or disabled person to simply “get over” whatever they dislike about their current embodiment. Trans* people, people with disabilities, people who want to fly and yet can’t, etc. are typically dealing with various degrees of internal desire to change their bodies, often in a way that society deems inappropriate, in order to feel embodied in a more authentic and liberated way.
But (except in some edge cases, mostly re: professional athletics that aren’t attainable by the majority of median bodies anyway, fat or otherwise) there’s nothing inherently limiting or inauthentic about adipose tissue. Fat people are most often far to the other side of that spectrum, responding primarily to extreme external pressure — not simply to change but specifically to destroy — our bodies in response to the threat that potential employers perceive fat cells as the physical manifestation of incompetence and that in the realm of human intimacy a fat body is an instant boner killer.
The exhortation for fat people to “be comfortable with our bodies” is not an empty platitude about psychoemotionally boosting one’s self esteem; it’s about actively rejecting the notion that only thin people are permitted to exercise, that only “height-weight proportionate” people may dress appropriately for the weather, etc. and physically doing what it takes to be comfortable in our bodies e.g. working to develop the musculoskeletal strength required to carry our fat, using assistive technology when we need it, wearing clothes that are well-suited to squishing and sweating, eating the kinds of nutrient-dense foods required to sustain and power a larger body, taking our health seriously instead of writing it off as a lost cause because “fat people are unhealthy,” and getting in the goddamn pool when it’s 97 degrees out.
Most importantly, fat acceptance encourages fat people to ask ourselves, whenever we are tempted to mortify our flesh through starvation, surgery, pouring thousands of dollars into the maws of “miracle cures” like Weight Watchers or meth, etc. about where those self-destructive impulses are coming from. It’s not simply about learning to “love ourselves,” it’s about learning to turn a really critical eye towards which aspects of our fat-focused self-loathing are echoes of institutional violence. Because chances are pretty good that in this specific instance, when we try to make ourselves and other fat people smaller at any cost, we are embracing institutional violence, not resisting it.
The point here is that giving people tools to accept a body the institution doesn’t want them to have is qualitatively different than giving people tools to accept a body they don’t want to have but that the institution won’t allow them to change. The fact that the same tools can be used in both instances is a problem, and that strategies of resistance developed by fat people have been co-opted as tools to oppress trans* people, disabled people and others is fucked, but the solution is not to take those tools away from fat people.
I remember, back in my early 20s, how I used to make little suicide pacts with myself as “motivation” to slim down. I would solemnly commit to them as I was standing on the bathroom scale. The ones I remember most vividly were that if I ever reached 150lbs, or if my belly ever grew to stick out further than my breasts, I would kill myself. Honestly, I was pretty suicidal as a kiddo, so I’m actually really glad I came across some articulate and persuasive political writing on fat acceptance before I reached those milestones — because I’m well past both of them now and, even though I still think about starvation and surgery constantly, I’m glad I chose to live.
But the key point here is that fat acceptance is not about a blanket wholesale resignation to everything about whatever body you happen to have, it is about accepting your fat specifically. It seems utterly uncontroversial to me that a politic of fat acceptance is necessary to the healthy survival of fat people in capitalist patriarchy. It also seems obvious that trying to apply that politic in sweeping brush strokes to all other forms of “deviant bodies” is monstrous and ripe for abuse. This is not to say that trans* people, disabled people, and others might have “deviant” elements of their embodied experience that they would prefer to embrace rather than alter — but powerful, nuanced, specifically relevant discourses about bodily-change and internalized oppression already exist in each of those political milieus. And there is some valuable intersectional and strategic overlap in these conversations, just as there is some valuable intersectional and strategic overlap in conversations about e.g. asexuality and relationship anarchy. But the awkward and violent attempt to simply stretch the “fat acceptance” framework universally over other types of bodies is pretty much only participated in by outsiders.
Here’s what’s really gross about this, though: Why do you think that “fat acceptance” — a highly specific politic which, on its face, appears to have nothing to do with gender identity, and only a tiny bit to do with disability — originally got distended and distorted into “body acceptance”? It’s because people are that terrified of saying the word “fat.” Even fat people. Even fat acceptance activists. The word “fat” is considered so disgusting, disturbing, insulting and offensive in our culture that even people who were working to help fat people not hate our fat to the point of self-injury felt like it was inappropriate to say the word “fat” in public — and so “body acceptance” became a polite euphemism for “fat acceptance.” And then a bunch of assholes decided that meant it was an okay way to think about all bodies.
TL;DR: There is no such thing as “body acceptance.” Fat acceptance is a legit and important politic. “Body acceptance” is a “polite” way of talking about fat acceptance — one that people who advocate for fat acceptance are often forced into using by an awareness of the violence done against people who cast even the word “fat” in a positive light. When you use the term “body acceptance” to talk about any bodies other than fat ones, you are likely doing oppressive harm to the people whose bodies you are talking about — and you are also appropriating, distorting, oversaturating, and watering down a concept that I need to get through most of my days. So, fucking cut it out.
I feel like the “we should all just “like ourselves”” form of body acceptance is just really messed up to begin with - it promptly becomes an instance of making morality a matter of emotions, where to be ‘good’ you have to have the right ones. Which is just as incorrect as ‘to be good you have to have the right body’, and also really mind-screwy. It’s also entirely counterproductive. When you want people to do things that are positive for *them*, the way is to support them in it, not demand it of them. ‘Your body does not make you a bad person’ is a helpful statement. ‘Love your body or you’re not accepting enough’ isn’t.
I also think this really connects to this post by realsocialskills (which is about disability, but I think the same principles apply). Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to like everything about yourself. It means that you are valid as you are, and have the right to live your life and have good things in it. If you don’t want to change something, that’s yours to decide. If there’s something you want to change and you can, you get to pursue that. If there’s something you want to change and you can’t, you get to be upset about that. But if there’s a cost-benefit analysis involved in change, you should be be able to have that decision, and to make that decision based on what is right for you and what you want for yourself, and not based on ‘I have to do this to be a valid person’. Because you already are, always.
Steal its Look : ‘Dashcon Ballpit’
Ballpit Dress - $17,000
Dark Blue Crocs - $1,785
This is going too far
also that whole tale of aragorn and arwen thing where he saw her in the woods at twenty and fell instantly in love and it’s very beren and luthien? lies.
aragorn decided he was going to marry arwen when he was like, six.
and everyone thought it was just the cutest thing, baby estel with his little crush on the great immortal evenstar, and everyone would tease him about it relentlessly and he would get so mad, and pout, because how dare they doubt his word.
(arwen spent a lot of time biting back smiles and nodding very seriously when aragorn brings this up with her. no, estel, I do not know why they are laughing perhaps they have remembered a particularly funny joke.)
and then aragorn grows into this gangly teen and oh my god can you imagine being a pimply greasy teenager around fucking elves it’s a wonder he has any self-image left. His voice breaks every other word and the laundresses are beginning to wonder if something is wrong with the sheets because estel keeps washing them himself and aragorn wants to die, god, arwen is never going to marry him if he stays all elbows and skinny knees and he can’t even look her in the eye anymore without blushing, eye contact is probably something to look for in a husband—
(arwen, who never had to go through puberty because elves don’t do anything so undignified, tries to comfort him by saying she likes his blemishes. aragorn gives her a look of such utter, miserable despair that she starts laughing.)
(this is a mistake. he spends the next three weeks nursing his wounded ego and refusing to see her.)
estel is twenty when he asks for her hand. he is lean, slender and fair as a new tree, and so arwen does not feel guilt in kissing his cheek and gently refusing. he is still green, he will weather greater storms than this—and he takes it as he should, clasping her hand and swearing to ever be her loyal friend.
they write to each other—when she is in lorien, when he wanders with the rangers of the north, fights alongside gondor, travels to distant lands. it is an inconstant tie—he is rarely afforded time enough to put pen to paper; she is reserved so as not to encourage what may not be. (she signs her letters always, your friend. She likes him too well to be cruel in this.)
the years pass. his weariness and strife creeps onto the page, and she sends him tokens to fend off the darkness—leaves from lothlorien, the ribbon from her hair, snippets of poems. it is not enough it is never enough I am sorry, she writes.
his reply is gentle: you are enough. do not stop writing.
(she carries that letter tucked inside her sleeve for a long while, like a talisman—though against what evil, she does not know.)
she is in the house of her grandmother when a familiar voice calls out to her: my lady luthien!
this is when arwen looks up, sees aragorn—broad of chest and rugged, still wearing his battered mail, with one hand balanced lazily on the pommel of his sword. All the trees of caras galadhon are gold but he is shadow and silver, kingliness resting lightly on his shoulders—
and arwen thinks, oh fuck
Tumblr doesn’t send anymore asks if you send a “.” and a letter or word without a space right after it.
Example: H…hello (doesn’t send it) - H… hello (will send it)
It says it sends the ask but it doesn’t. My gf and I were trying since 2 days now and we just found out what the problem was.
Pass it on.
This explains SO MUCH GRRGHH
THERE IT IS OH MY GOD